Kodoku
by Dark Akuryou
Summary: What do you do when the one person who could save the worlds has nothing left to live for? Hiei-centered, angst. 4th chappie up.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This story is, basically, my way to procrastinate writing another fic. *sighs* I have a minor little writer's block with Broken Rose right now…

Anyways, this is angst, and is rated PG13 only because I think some of the concepts are a bit older. *shrugs*

Pairings are only hinted at, really, and are Kurama/Yukina, Botan/Kuwabara, and Yusuke/Keiko. There may be spoilers, I dunno.

**Kodoku**

By Akuryou 

A little piece of paper with a picture drawn floats on 

down the street till the wind is gone. And the memory

now is like the picture was then—when the paper's 

crumpled up, it can't be perfect again.

--Forgotten; Linkin Park

~*~

They're both gone.

The only two people in the three worlds I truly cared for, and they're both dead, leaving me to this wretched existence. I can't even kill myself. They wouldn't have approved. And what do I have left but the memory of their gentle morals?

The two of them were so alike. Perhaps that was why I was so close to them. And he was in love with her; I could feel it. I wouldn't have minded having that stupid, selfless fox as a brother.

Selfless. Yes, selfless. He saved her, you know. Pushed her out of the way of Taihen's fireblast. It didn't matter, though. He fell into the gorge, and she was hit by the follow-up shot. And so now they're gone.

No! Damn it! I won't cry again! I won't!

Fuck. Oh well. The gems will go with the others. I have nearly nine jars now. They've accumulated, over the past four years. I don't know what to do with the things. I'd sell them, but I'm never in need of money, here in this secluded place. Besides that, and being a constant reminded of my pain, the gems are worthless.

Pain. Gods, what pain I have suffered. Physical? No. Inari, but I wish it were physical. 

I want them _back_. Don't you see? I arrived mere _seconds_ too late—just in time to see my best friend and only sister murdered. I killed Taihen, of course. But the vengeance had been hollow. It wouldn't bring them back.

Nothing would.

~*~

"Yusuke. Kuwabara."

Both tanteis exchanged a glance at the seriousness of Koenma's tone. The two had grown up over the past two years, in both body and mind.

Ever since Kurama died and Hiei disappeared, Yusuke and Kuwabara had continued to work as Rei Kai detectives, but just didn't take the more dangerous missions. Or, if they did, they took along youkai warriors to take place of their teammates. Yusuke, himself, had gotten _much_ closer to Keiko since the Makai Tournament, and had watched romance slowly grow between Kuwabara and Botan. Life had been rather pleasant for them—is they didn't think about the lack of two important people when they went on missions.

"The demon's name is Shinka," Koenma said without delay, bringing up a picture and stats on the screen. "He's high S-class; very dangerous. Specializes in the sword and spirit magic—much like Shishiwakamaru."

" 'Shinka,' " Yusuke echoed. " 'Evolution'. Pompous bastard, isn't he? So why are we going after him?"

"You're not."

Yusuke blinked. 

"Shinka wants to take over the Makai," Koenma explained. "Ningenkai and Rei Kai mean nothing to him. And he _will_ have the power to do so. Within a month he will be strong enough to attack both Yomi's and Mukuro's forces at once."

"So why don't we just go get him, then?" Kuwabara asked impatiently. 

Koenma shot him an irritated glance. "I was just getting to that. Shinka's holed up at Zujou Mountain. He has a forcefield surrounding the whole place, that if you're not a part of his forces, you die if it touches you. But the glitch is that a certain type of race can get through—and the maker of the field can pick which type."

"What race is it?" Yusuke inquired, frowning.

Ignoring him, Koenma continued, "Shinka knows about what happened four years ago with Yukina, and how the Koorime severed any and all relation with outsiders since. So he chose the race least likely to help us."

Yusuke groaned. "The _Koorime_? Koenma, they _despise_ us!"

"All but one," the Rei Kai prince said quietly.

Yusuke's eyes widened as it dawned on him what Koenma was talking about. He exchanged a wild glance with Kuwabara.

"Surely—not _Hiei_?!" 

"He's our _only_ chance, Yusuke," Koenma argued. "We _have_ to try and find him."

" 'We' ?" Kuwabara interrupted. 

"I'm going with you," Koenma said simply. "I know something that may help bring Hiei out of his self-imposed seclusion."

"What?" Yusuke demanded suspicisouly.

He told them. Both of them were wide-eyed and pale when the prince finished.

"He's going to kill you for not telling him, Koenma," Yusuke said quietly. "Hell, _I_ might right here and now. Why did you never tell us?"

"It wouldn't have made a difference," Koenma replied, his voice subdued. "You would only have died if you tried to help. Now, will you help me find him or not?"

"Of course we will," Yusuke said shortly. The part-youkai was obviously having a hard time controlling his anger. 

"Then let's go."

~*~Owari~*~


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm on someone's favorite author list! GO ME!! 

Heh.

Anyways, new chappie…pretty short…and cliffy. Mwuaha.

Kodoku Chapter 2 By Akuryou 

I wasted it all just to watch you go.

I kept everything inside, and even though I tried, it all fell apart.

What it meant to me will eventually be a memory

Every time I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it doesn't

even matter. I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end, it doesn't even

matter.

--In the End; Linkin Park

~*~

I can feel them approaching. Funny that after all this time, I can still recognize the feel of their ki energy.

They want something, that much is obvious. I made it clear when I left that I never wanted to see them—or anyone—ever again. So it must be important. Very important. 

I don't give a damn.

~*~

"It would be against any propensity you may have to live longer to go any further."

Koenma, Yusuke and Kuwabara all froze at the calm, matter-of-fact voice. Hiei's voice.

"Hiei, we're just here to talk," Koenma said, searching the surrounding dense trees with his eyes. 

"I'm sure you are," the still-unseen fire demon replied. "But I'm not feeling particularly chatty today. So go away."

"The fate of Makai rests on your cooperation, Hiei," Koenma said. "Only one of Koorime ancestry can get past Shinka's forcefield."

"So? I stopped caring about what happened to the Makai long ago, Koenma. Four years, to be exact. Now leave me alone."

The trees rustled, as if indicating Hiei's soon-to-be departure. Yusuke cursed inwardly.

"Inari!" Yusuke growled. "We haven't seen you in four years, Hiei! At the very least, grant us _that_ much."

There was a moment of silence, and then a black of black light signaled Hiei coming out into the open.

The fire demon had changed. Physically, he was taller, and leanly muscled. He currently wore all black, with silver trimming on the tank top. The Kokuryuha, the black tattooed dragon on his right arm, was now bandaged with a strip of blue silk that Yusuke recognized as one of Yukina's scarves. Hiei stood with his arms crossed, taking the stares wordlessly.

There was one thing that Yusuke noticed the most about his old friend. The ruby eyes. While still hard and emotionless, he saw a deep, biting sorrow in the crimson gaze.

"Happy now?" the Jaganshi asked sardonically.

"No," Koenma stated flatly before either Yusuke or Kuwabara could speak. "We have to talk, Hiei."

"Nothing you could say would ever be of interest to me, princeling," Hiei said derisively. He turned to leave. "I could care less about what happens to the Makai. Everyone I cared about is gone or doesn't care, either. There is nothing left here for me to ever want to protect."

"It's about Kurama."

Hiei froze. And then spun back around, eyes burning with crimson fire.

"You don't have the right to even speak his _name_, Koenma," the fire demon hissed. "_You_ were the one who got him killed. _You_ were the one who sent him, alone, on that fool's mission. Don't you dare even _speak_ his name."

Koenma's voice was quiet when he replied.

"Kurama is alive, Hiei."

~*~Owari~*~


	3. Chapter 3

D45: Eh, Broken Rose isn't all that bad….it's the links that I'll give that will be rated R. But I dun wanna go against your parent's wishes, so just ignore me, hehe.

**A/N:** This chappie…is rather boring, in my opinion. But whichever.

Kodoku 

**Chapter 3**

By Akuryou

"I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel. I'm

cold and I'm ashamed, bound and broken 

on the floor. 

You're a little late; I'm already torn…

--Torn; Natalie Imbruglia

~*~

No. It couldn't be possible. He couldn't be alive. He _couldn't_.

Could he?

Inari, how many times I have allowed myself to hope that he was still alive, that somehow he had survived the fall. I can still see the look in his wide emerald eyes just before he disappeared over the side. He _knew_ that he hadn't been able to save Yukina.

But now. I desperately want to believe that he is alive, that my only true friend in the three worlds still breathes. Yet, if he is, then he is in such pain my own anguish is a mere pinprick in comparison. All these long four years, he has been in pain…

Damn Koenma. I swear, from the bottom of my heart, that I will kill you some day, princeling, for withholding this information. _Four_ years! My only friend, in agony for _four_ _damn_ _years_!

I wonder what he is thinking. What he dreamt of, these past four years. Does he remember my sister, and her quiet laugh? Or our battles and trials that we went through together? Or are his dreams haunted by the same horrific moment as my own?

I sincerely hope they are not. 

~*~

Hiei stared at Koenma with wide eyes. 

"What did you say?" he whispered.

Koenma sighed, averting his gaze. "Kurama isn't dead, Hiei. He was caught by a winged youkai, and taken back to its castle. They've been doing…terrible things to him. But he's alive."

Hiei's ruby orbs shut tightly, his fists clenching and unclenching. Then they snapped open, hate and helpless fury burning within them. Koenma flinched from the mere intensity.

"_I'm going to kill you!_" the fire demon roared, lunging forward. "He's been alive all this time, and you never _told_ me? Damn you! _Damn you!_"

Yusuke and Kuwabara, who had stepped forward to intercept their enraged friend, exchanged a look of mingling compassion and sorrow. Hiei wasn't really fighting them, his struggles already lessening. A small sob tore its way from the fire demon's throat as Yusuke and Kuwabara eased him to the ground gently.

"All this time," he whispered. "Kurama's been alive…all this time…"

Hiei buried his head in his hands, shoulders shaking. A few tears rolled down his cheeks to drop to the ground as gems, unnoticed.

The fire demon looked up abruptly, eyes glistening. He glared at the Rei Kai prince.

"Where is he?"

Curt, angry, simple. Koenma sighed.

"Mochidzuki Caverns."

Hieie nodded sharply and got to his feet, wiping his eyes. He began walking into the forest.

"Follow me."

They swiftly came to a sheltered clearing, s small, quiet house shrouded by trees in the center. Nearby the sound of running water could be heard. 

Hiei disappeared into the house briefly before coming back out with his katana. He eyes them dangerously.

  
"Wait. And don't break anything."

With that, the fire demon shot off into the woods. Kuwabara gasped suddenly.

"Inari!" the tantei exclaimed. "His power is _strong_—he had been shielding his ki before, but right when he left…" Kuwabara shook his head in amazement.

Yusuke cast a perplexed look in the direction Hiei had gone. "You really think that we should have let him go like that?" he asked. "Not that I begrudge him going after Kurama, of course, but the Mochidzuki Caverns are two days from here, and Zujou Mountain is another two from there. We're pressed for time."

Koenma shook his head. "I think you underestimate Hiei's determination to see Kurama again. He'll be there by nightfall."

Yusuke gaped and was about to reply when he heard another of Kuwabara's startled exclamations, this time from within Hiei's house. He growled and headed into the small abode.

The inside of Hiei's house was just like it's inhabitant—sparse, utilitarian and dark. Yusuke's heart wrenched at the two tabled that could be seen through an open doorway—pictures of Yukina and Kurama, surrounded by candles, rested on them.

Yusuke turned to see Kuwabara gaping at a collection of knee-high jars, filled with what looked to be dark marbles.

"Kuwabara, what..?"

"_Tear gems_, Urameshi," Kuwabara breathed. "Those are Hiei's tear gems. And a _lot_ of them."

Yusuke's eyes widened as he realized just how much pain Hiei had been in for the past four years. A surge of sympathy for the fire demon welled up in him.

"Inari…"

Yusuke turned at Koenma's small sigh of anguish to see the prince sink into an elaborately detailed chair, burying his head in his hands.

  
"I should have told him," Koenma said, his voice muffled. "I should have told _all_ of you. Look at how much pain he's been in. And I…I could have prevented it…"

"You only wanted to make sure we didn't get killed ourselves," Koenma," the tantei said, sitting in a chair across from the prince. "But yeah, you should have told us."

Koenma sighed again and looked up, his eyes haunted. 

"But now, all we can do is wait. It's up to Hiei now."

~*~Owari~*~


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: This chapter…is bittersweet, if I pulled it off right. And rather long. Go me.

There will probably only be one chap after this…or two. Depends. Coming close to the end.

*sniffles*

**Kodoku**

**Chapter 4**

"When the cold of winter comes, starless

night will cover day. In the veiling of the

sun, we will walk in bitter rain."

--In Dreams; Fran Walsh, Howard Shore

~*~

Elation. Anger. Concern. Doubt.

A barrage of different emotions tumbled through my mind as I ran over the desolate Makai landscape, towards my friend. Kurama was alive, but what shape was he in? Had they done anything to affect his mind? Would he even be able to recognize me?

The questions surfaced no matter how I tried to stop them, driving me almost mad insane with impatience. So I quickened my pace. Nothing would keep me from rescuing my friend and would have been brother.

Nothing.

~*~

Erith looked up in startlement as a huge blast rocked through the caverns. She negligently tossed away her recent toy—a puny, scaled youkai—and walked out of the dungeon caves in search of the disturbance, flexing her folded up wings in aggravation. What she found startled her.

At the Caverns' entrance, nearly two dozen of Erith's kin—a winged type youkai known as tsubasa—were fighting against a single demon that could only be seen as a small black blur. The ki energy radiating from the attacking youkai was immense.

In a few minutes it was over, Erith only being able to watch in morbid fascination as the demon fought. Limbs lay scattered across the floor, and all of Erith's guards were either dead or unconscious. And then the black blue flashed to her. Steel pressed ungently against the tsubasa's throat.

"You have a prisoner," a deep, dangerous voice said quietly. "A youko. Take me to him."

"But we have many captive youkos," Erith protested. Her mind desperately ran through all the different ones there were.

"He's not normally in youko form. Your kind captured him four years ago, near the Kerlin gorge."

Erith's eyes widened as she remembered. She, herself, had caught that one. He had proved to be such a fun toy, too.

"Take me to him," the demon hissed, prodding her with his katana. "Now."

The tsubasa nodded mutely and led the youkai through the winding caverns back to the dungeons and the youko's cell. 

"In there," she said. "If you—"

The tsubasa was cut off, literally, as the katana slid neatly between two ribs, impaling what served as a heart.

~*~

"Hn."

Hiei looked down at the dead tsubasa in hate and disgust. He had seen what she had been thinking with the Jagan—she was the one who had captured Kurama, and tortured him mercilessly.

Kurama.

The fire demon turned back to the cell door, his hands suddenly shaking. Slowly e opened the ironbound door and stepped inside. 

The cell was large—it was an actual cave, really. And there were plants. Everywhere. Twisting vines across the floor, climbing up the walls. And enwrapping the still figure at the opposite end of the room.

"Kurama!" Hiei exclaimed, sprinting across the huge cavern. His heart wrenched as he got close enough to truly see his friend.

Kurama was suspended in midair by what looked to be one of his own plants, vines encircling his wrists, ankles, neck and waist. All were thorned.

The youko himself had innumerable gashes and bruises on his body, the once tanned skin now pale from lack of sunlight. His clothes had been reduced to naught bit rags, barely covering his limp form.

Hiei blinked back tears of anger and compassion, gritting his teeth. A few quick slashes of his katana, and the captive fox fell into his waiting grasp. The almost nonexistent weight of his friend badly frightened the fire demon.

"Kurama?" Hiei breathed, gently lowering the youko to the ground.

The youko stirred, and almost automatically curled away from Hiei's light touch, whimpering softly.

"Kurama, it's Hiei."

Kurama stiffened and slowly opened his eyes, emerald gaze slowly settling on the fire demon.

"H-Hiei?" 

Kurama's voice was weak and rusty; disused. But his. Hiei's eyes filled with tears, and he hugged the youko tightly yet gently, well aware of his injuries.

"I thought you had died," the fire demon choked out, teargems falling to the floor. He felt Kurama weakly return the embrace, a small smile on the youko's face.

"Yukina…"

"I know, Hiei," Kurama said quietly. Then he shifted slightly. "I want to see the sun again."

A soft, plaintive request. Hiei nodded wordlessly and picked his friend up, swiftly carrying him outside. The little youkai was still overwhelmed at seeing his friend again.

The sun was setting. One of the few times Makai could look beautiful. Soft pastels of red and orange splayed across the darkening sky, making the horizon glow.

Kurama sighed happily, unshed tears in his eyes. He was limp as Hiei gently laid him on the ground, facing the fading light. The little fire demon sat down beside the youko silently, at a loss of what to say.

"I'm supposed to be saving the worlds right now," he said at last, and ironic tinge to his voice. Kurama cast him an amused glance.

"You always were one to skirt duties."

Hiei chuckled at that. But then he sighed.

Unable to keep eye contact, instead looking at the setting sun, Hiei said, "You're dying, aren't you?"

There was a brief silence on Kurama's part, then, "Yes."

Hiei's eyes shut tightly, his teeth clenching. "Why? Why now, Kurama? Why right when I find you at last?"

_"Because_ you found me, Hiei," Kurama said quietly. "I could keep myself alive, if I wished. But I'm ready to die now."

The fire demon's eyes opened, glistening wetly. "Stupid, fool fox."

Kurama smiled at him a bit sadly, then went slack, simply watching the sunset. With a muffled sob, Hiei enfolded the youko in a fierce hug.

"Don't leave again, Kurama," the fire demon pleaded. "I don't want to be alone again."

"You've never been alone, Hiei," Kurama replied gently. "Both Yukina and I have always been with you." The youko's fingers briefly touched the tear gem at Hiei's neck, and then a small pouch at his waist that contained plant seeds Kurama had left. 

Hiei hugged him tighter, as if that alone would keep his friend from leaving again. 

"It's not the same."

"Oh, but it is, Hiei," Kurama murmured. Then he let out a soft sigh. "Good bye, my friend."

Hiei's eyes widened, and he drew back a little. 

"Kurama?"

The youko didn't respond. A gentle smile was on his lips, body limp, eyes closed. 

Floods of ebony tear gems scattered on the hard ground.

_"Kurama!_"

~*~Owari~*~


End file.
